June 9th, 2009
Kin
The lack of posting in the past two months belies the profundity of my experience in having found my tribe. It has been one of the turning points of my life, as deeply felt as a religious discovery.
For most of my life I have gravitated towards them unwittingly, even though to outsiders we may have seemed dissimilar. Scattered amongst the rest of the population, they, like I, also did not know who they really were. Yet I have felt empathy with them beyond that felt for them by others. Now that I know we are genetically linked, everything is contextualised. I belong.
Ironically, the first friendship in my life which I consciously and deliberately ended -- about 15 years ago -- was probably with one of my own tribe. She is dead now, she was murdered last year, so I will never be able to involve my newfound kin in rescuing her from the bitterness which she felt towards those who had discriminated against her, and which subsequently drove even those who might have loved her away from her after that. But the fact that we parted also shows that I will not necessarily like everyone with whom I have this bond. Such is the nature of kinship.
Equally profound, perhaps, but far more
frightening, has been the parallel discovery of how little understanding
there has always been between me and the one person whom I felt most deeply
understood me for so many years. Nor did I understand him. Nor did I understand
so many like him, although I thought I did. We heard each other's words
and saw each other's actions, and we thought we knew what they meant. But
I am not sure what I know anymore, except for love.
And love changes everything.